Well, Easter is over, folks. The rabbit has come and gone, and behind him he has left a trail of multi-colored eggs, chocolates, and, most likely, hundreds of tiny rabbit droppings. I mean, have you ever seen a rabbit cage? It�s like all they ever do is crap, crap, and reproduce. And crap. By the way, why does the Easter Bunny bring eggs? That seems odd. Wouldn�t it make more sense to have an Easter Chicken bringing the eggs?
Actually, no, that wouldn�t make more sense, because that would be like some lady giving away her children for the Holiday, and that�s more like something you report to the newspapers as opposed to something you celebrate as a festive tradition. Plus�Easter Chicken? Ha! Please.
Anyway, now that Easter has passed, we can finally go back to doing all the various things we respectively sacrificed for Lent! For some of us, that means we can have sweets, or drink soda, or eat lettuce! For others, it means�other stuff! For me it means that I can finally stop trying desperately to think of something to give up for Lent. What a relief!
Well, okay, so �desperately� might be too strong an adverb to describe my endeavors to come up with an appropriate Lenten sacrifice. But I did think about it occasionally! Like, I�d be scarfing down a candy bar, or pulling the blinds a little tighter to keep the sun from glaring off the TV screen during the fourth hour of my all-day indoor pizza/TV marathon, or maybe snorting a line of coke off a whore�s back, and I�d think to myself, "I wonder what I ought to give up for Len�oh my gosh, I can�t believe Barney got himself locked in the jail cell again! Andy�s gonna be so pissed!" So I did think about it. Sometimes.
I�m exaggerating about some of that. Andy was so used to Barney locking himself in the jail cell that he�d have been more �exasperated� than �pissed�, but pissed just sounded better, you know? One has to take a little creative license from time to time, in order to keep things from getting stale! Right, David E. Kelly?
Other things which Easter and the end of Lent brought into my life, besides all that character-building personal sacrifice that really enriched my soul, was a great big butt-load of candy. I must have eaten my weight in Cadbury Cr�me Eggs yesterday. And then another load of me in chocolate bunnies and other assorted Easter offerings. I really think I probably tripled in size yesterday. It�s kind of cool, actually. I�m waiting for the two new additions to separate from the original host body (me) and become independent organisms in some kind of triploid mitosis. That would be really cool. Maybe I should have a candy bar while I wait?
In any case, I hope you guys all had a good weekend, whether or not you observe Lent or Easter and whether or not you are thereby now entitled to indulge yourself in something you�ve been eschewing for the past forty days. If there is one thing that unites us all, it is the following simple fact:
Easter candy is now on sale, y�all. Get your wallet and go to the store.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: primitive causes of evil And: catfight really scratching �cum I�m Watching: My tape that was supposed to be of Alias but really ended up being The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour. I�m Contemplating: Many things, but primarily the sheer horror of it all.