Someone has got to fire the head of Quizno's advertising department. First it was those singing rats, and now they've that terrifying, soulless talking baby. I'm sorry, but that just isn't natural. Not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be that same possessed baby from that atrocious and justly cancelled �sitcom�, Baby Bob. Y'all remember Baby Bob? No, of course you don't, because IT WASN'T FUNNY. It was CREEPY, and NO ONE WATCHED IT, and so it got FIRED off that shit! Get rid of the talking baby, Quizno's, and maybe one day I'll come back. I love your salads. Call me!
Before I get into it, I just have to express again that I am trying really hard to update my diary whenever I can, but I seriously have just about no time. I mean, I've been writing this entry since Tuesday, y'all. I work all day and don't really have the luxury of breaking for a while to type (at least, not if I want to get out of here in a timely fashion) and we still have no internet access at home. Since I'm working during the day now, I also don't have the luxury of pirating Domino's wireless.
I've got a lot to talk about, too. Taxes (I'm getting nine dollars back from the State of California, y'all-nine. But don't worry, I won't let the money change me.), relationships (Clyde is evidently my real boyfriend now, although I'm not sure when that happened), clothes (I bought an outfit yesterday that cost way too much money, but is totally The Sexy and was therefore worth it, especially since I never, but NEVER , spend money on clothes), and�and, okay, I don't have time for anything else. I'll figure out something.
Anyway, I have been passed a baton from May Day, and so I will take it and run for the finish line, like those guys at the Olympics this past summer, who totally set a bunch of records and stuff. What what!
You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
You know, I've given this one a lot of thought, and my answer is: I don't fucking know. It's so hard to choose just one book! I guess, and don't judge me on this, I would have to be�Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll. I know, I'm gay, what else can I tell you? But seriously, I read that book about a hundred times when I was little, because I was just so taken by this fantastic world where anything was possible. I guess that's largely because I always wanted stuff that was slightly impossible. Like getting my sister to leave me the hell alone.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Uh, maybe? I mean, I always had a kind of a thing for Frank Hardy from The Hardy Boys, but really only because I thought he was cute in the cover art. I just never read the kind of books that featured earnest and strapping young men who were intelligent, romantic, philanthropic, and just shy enough that they wouldn't have intimidated me were they flesh and blood, and that's exactly what I was looking for. Most of the characters in the books I read were either conniving and underhanded, or, you know, old. And conniving.
The last book you bought is?
Native Tonguue by Carl Hiaasen was the last book I purchased. I don't really get to buy books that often-or, I suppose I should say I don't need to buy them that often. I get a lot of books as gifts, and just kind of stack them up so I can access them later. Did I just say 'access them later'? I've been spending way too much time writing about technical shit. I swear my brain is coming apart like a Happy Meal toy. I need rest, y'all.
What book are you currently reading?
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris, and it's fucking hysterical. I can't even begin to tell you how hilarious it is, so you really all just need to go out and get it for yourselves. He really is a brilliant writer, because he manages to fully engender the most complicated of ironies by pointing out the most basic of facts. He also has a real gift for allegory, too, I might add. Plus, and I don't say this lightly, he's fucking funny as shit.
Five books you would take with you on a deserted island?
1) A Dictionary-This may sound odd, but I love to read the dictionary. I learn new words, and there really isn't any shortage of them. I really don't think I would get bored learning new words.
2) And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie, because it's about a bunch of people getting murdered on a deserted island, and I think I would really appreciate the irony. And then I'd probably lay awake all night by my little bonfire, holding a sharp stick in my hands and freaking out every time a wave so much as crashed onto the beach.
3) Alice in Wonderland. I read it about a hundred times when I was little, I could read it about a hundred times more. Besides, after a few weeks alone on a deserted island, I'm betting that the crazy parts of the book won't seem so crazy anymore.
4) Either Barrel Fever by David Sedaris or The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson, because I would need something to laugh about, probably. And I mean normal fun laugh, not unhinged, dehydrated, crazy-man laugh.
5) Empire Falls by Richard Russo. Still the best book I've read in the last probably five years. I recommend it to anyone.
Who are you going to pass this stick to?
I'm passing this shit to my girl Marilyn, because she wrote me a cool e-mail a few weeks ago that I haven't had a chance to respond to yet, so this is my way of saying I haven't forgotten you! I will write back! I SWEAR!
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �debbie harry� I'm Watching: Sin City. Jessica Alba + Bruce Willis = -chemistry. (That's a negative symbol there, for those of you wondering). I'm Reading: Okay, since beginning this entry, I actually finished reading Dress Your Family�, so I have to pick a new book. I don't know where to begin!