� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� Blue Moon �
5:10 p.m., 2005-04-18

I am blessed, because thanks to the odd filming schedule of Mob-Affiliated Reality Show�which, by the way is totally awesome (certainly the best show I�ve ever worked on [I mean, best of three, but still]) and also (probably) not actually �Mob-Affiliated��I have today and tomorrow off! Hooray! What that means is...well, what that means is that I have two days off. And that�s about it. It kind of takes me back, though, to those halcyon days of unemployment, except without the worrying that I�d never find work ever again. In that sense, it�s a little better.

I�m having an interesting predicament, though. Since I haven�t been able to update more than about once a week, there�s suddenly all this crap I could talk about, and it leaves me with sensory overload. It�s like whenever I used to go to get ice cream when I was little. There would be, like, thirty-some-odd flavors of ice cream, and I just couldn�t commit, so I�d stand there for a half-hour with my mouth open until my mom was all, �JUST PICK ONE!� And I�d point at the nearest tub and say, �That!� And then I�d end up with, like, �French Vanilla� or that weird �Blue Moon� shit that tasted like Smurf. I mean, what the hell was that? Anyway, I�ve got a lot of things I could write about, but I just can�t seem to think of one.

How about this: today, instead of combing my hair out after my shower, I let it just dry in its natural state. Now I�ve got this big, fluffy head full of curls, which is a look I haven�t tried to pull off since last summer. I�m debating whether or not it looks kind of lackadaisical and surfer-sexy, or if it just makes me look like a great big dork who didn�t bother to comb his hair out after his shower. I guess I get bored with having the same hair all the time, which is why I used to dye the shit out of it in college. For a month or two I�d be a blonde, and then I�d be a brunette, and then I�d be a redhead, and then I�d be the subject of the following inquiry: �What the hell is with your hair? Why did you dye it again? I thought it looked good blonde, why didn�t you keep it blonde?� Like apparently my hair was a big deal to some people. Who knew?

I had coffee on Saturday morning at my new coffee place, and who should come and sit two tables over from me but J. C. Chasez, formerly of N*Synch? Is that how they�re spelled? Suddenly that doesn�t look right. I regretfully report that I have no way to verify that, since I own nary a one of their albums and cannot actually go online to check. Once I connect in order to update my journal, I could figure it out, but then I�d have to change this entire paragraph and screw that. Anyway, he sat a few tables over from me, and although I was never really a fan of the band, I couldn�t stop looking over there. That�s sadly just the way I am when it comes to celebrities. I always try to totally play it cool, and I would never think of walking over and being all, �Stop enjoying your day and put everything on hold so I, some complete stranger you�ve never met before, can engage you in an awkward conversation that you�d probably just as soon avoid, but I don�t care because I don�t meet famous people that often!� But still, it�s like I can�t stop thinking that maybe they�re going to do something interesting and famous-y, and I don�t want to miss it!

I�ve seen a lot of famous people at that coffee place, too. Like last weekend? I saw Simon Rex there, and one of the chicks from The Real World: New Orleans. Okay, so �famous� might be splitting hairs, but you know what I mean. I also saw Paige Turco there a couple of weeks back, and I think she was probably having a bad day because she gave me these Death Eyes, and I hadn�t even, like, swiped her coffee or cut a piece of fabric out of her top for my scrapbook! Yet. Her baby�s really cute, though!

At any rate, that�s all for now. I promise to be more focused and interesting next time!

Someone Got Here By Searching For: �camel toe� I�m Watching: Desperate Housewives. I get that Andrew is planning to something So Horrible that it will rock Bree�s world, but what can he do that will top the whole �almost killing Carlos�s mother in a hit-and-run� thing? And: The Amityville Horror. I like Ryan Reynolds, and I even like Melissa George, despite the character she played on Alias, but that movie? Yikes. I mean, it wasn�t awful, but...yikes.

A Year Ago, I Said:

Just a quick aside; why on earth do people immediately turn to competitive exercises as a tool to foster trust and cooperative behavior? I mean, sure, out of a certain patriotism you�re definitely going to cleave to your team and bond with them in a show of solidarity�against everyone else. Isn�t that a bit counterintuitive?

Of Human Bonding
4-19-2004

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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