It would seem that they now have a drug for everything. And I mean everything. You can get a prescription for being depressed, for being overweight, for having Old Man�s Penis (so calleth it the Ladies� Man), for having high cholesterol, and practically every other malady under the sun, real or imagined. And just last night, I saw this ad for a new drug called "Altovis".
Altovis is used to treat this nebulous (but obviously pernicious) condition known as DAILY FATIGUE!!! Apparently, millions of Americans suffer the horrible side effects of DAILY FATIGUE!!! every single day (as the name implies), but none of us knew that what we needed was to spend $240 for a pill to get rid of it. Gee, thanks, Altovis, but I already have something I take to treat my DAILY FATIGUE!!!, and it�s called COFFEE!!!
According to Altovis�s website, "When you�re on the go, it�s easy to feel run down. [No shit.] A candy bar or soda pop may provide a temporary boost, but it quickly wears off and leaves you more exhausted than you felt before. You need a source of lasting energy. You need Altovis." Yeah, right. You "need" Altovis. That, or maybe SOME MORE SLEEP. I should also mention that the primary ingredient in Altovis is "green tea leaf extract", which is also known in some cultures simply under the general name of "tea". That�s a fucking expensive cup of tea, right there, my friend.
Anyway, commercials for sparkly new drugs weren�t the only things I watched on TV last night. I�m ashamed to admit this, but I also tuned in to North Shore again, despite my publicized scorning of it last Friday. What can I say? I�m an idiot. But seriously, what else am I supposed to watch while I eat dinner on a Monday night? Because heaven forbid I should eat without televisual stimulation. I�ve tried to just eat and not do anything else, but then I feel like a big freak, because I�m all focusing intently on my food, and suddenly I�m like, "Who am I, the Tasmanian Devil? Why am I so crazy about the food all of a sudden?"
But I gave it another shot. Largely because I had very few other options (and I refuse to watch what they are nowadays referring to as "sitcoms", because they�re about as funny as a death certificate), but also because there are pretty boys on that show. What? I�m only human, you guys. Anyway, I didn�t get quite as riled up as I did last week, which may just be because I was in a far more docile mood yesterday, but I was able to enjoy the show for what it was. And Brooke Burns, who plays The Rich Girl Who Just Wants To Fit In, isn�t the worst actress in the world (that would be Heather Graham)(oh, you know it�s true), so I was able to not be totally offended by the ham-fisted "plot", and actually enjoy some of the performances, and shit.
Another thought occurred to me last night that I felt I ought to share with you guys, but it has completely escaped me at this late hour. Probably it went a little something like, "Know what�s stupid? ________. That�s the stupidest shit, ever." You may fill in the blank at your own discretion.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: "rotate her tires" [Is that a dirty euphemism?] I�m Watching: Home Movies, which I taped from Sunday. Hee! I�m Eating: Easter candy, hooray!