Me: So, last night I was watching The Lady Vanishes -
Becky: Oh my gosh! I LOVE that movie!
Me: Me too! One of Hitch's early best.
Becky: Shyeah.
Me: Anyway, so it's all late and I'm all tired, but I stay up to watch the credits...and you won't believe it.
Becky: Bet I will.
Me: Bet you won't. One of the actresses in the movie? Her name? Googie Withers. Googie. Withers.
Becky: What? Whattie What?
Me: Toldja.
Becky: No, but, what?
Me: Yep. Googie freakin' Withers. I'm not making this up.
Becky: That's...quite a name.
Me: Yeah! No, and then they had this huge note in the credits saying that Ms. Withers was on loan or something from the studio she was actually contracted to. Hitch had to go down to someone's office and say, "I'd like to use Googie Withers. I need Googie in my film. Googie, Googie, Googie!"
Becky: I doubt he said that last part.
Me: I don't know. He had a pretty twisted sense of humor.
Becky: So did Mr. and Mrs. Withers, evidently.
Me: I mean, her name is Googie Withers.
Becky: Ha! I would totally name my daughter 'Googie'!
Me: For sure. Just to be funny.
Becky: Shyeah.
Me: 'Course, you'd have to give her a really fun middle name, like 'Boogie', so she could be Googie Boogie.
Becky: Of course!
Me: Heh. Googie Boogie Withers!
Becky: That's just terrible.
Me: Hey, I'm not the one naming his daughter 'Googie', here.
I had that conversation with my friend Becky about seven years ago this March. I don't know what got me thinking about it, but I was taking a walk at lunch and suddenly, there it was.
What's even stranger is that I haven't even seen Becky in about six of those years. It's weird how you can meet someone, quite by chance and know them for just a short time, and always feel somehow connected to them. Becky and I got to know each other as I was coming out of a tanking relationship, and we attached pretty damn quickly. I'd known her for a couple years, peripherally, but it wasn't until my senior year in high school that we really started spending time together.
I asked Becky to my senior prom, as a matter of fact. Or rather, she asked me to my senior prom. I was going to ask her that very evening, and she pre-empted me by stating quite bluntly, "I know you don't have a date for the Prom yet, and I was wondering if you would consider taking me?" I mean, that girl had chutzpah, you know? Anyway, I told her I had indeed considered it and would be honored to have her as my date.
So the Prom was actually shitloads of fun, and the future looked rosy, but for the small problem of my imminent departure for college while she stayed behind to toil through her own senior year. We got closer, we kissed, we really seemed to understand each other. Or so I thought. I never forced the issue, though, in part because I wanted to make absolutely certain I wasn't rebounding after the recent demise of my previous relationship (which wouldn't be fair to her), and in part because I was about to move rather far away and didn't particularly want to leave either of us beholden to someone we could only see once a month or so.
And maybe that was my ultimate downfall. See, that summer, Becky went to France for a month. She sent me postcards, I wrote, and she returned with gifts for yours truly. We went out a lot over the next couple weeks until she left for Chicago to do something else that incredibly smart students do, and while she was there, she wrote, we spoke on the phone, and things seemed fine.
Then, about a week before she was due back, she just...stopped. She snuck back into town and never called. I quite clearly remember the tone in her voice when I called her up to welcome her home. She made no effort to disguise the fact that she wasn't particularly glad to be hearing from me.
I was surprised, and a little affronted to be sure, but I brushed it off. I only had two short weeks before I'd be leaving for school, and I wanted to make them count. We made plans, and she stood me up. Repeatedly. She couldn't avoid me forever, of course, because we had all the same friends. However, when we would inevitably meet up, she was nothing short of nasty to me. Underneath it all, though, I could swear I sensed an undercurrent of hurt. I got the distinct impression that she was getting back at me for something, but to this day I don't know what.
Finally, in the days prior to my great exodus, I called up my closest friends and arranged a few small get-togethers so I could say my goodbyes. Becky agreed to dinner, and I planned on talking to her and figuring out what the hell I did to piss her off, if only so I could apologize and we could get past it. I truly did value her friendship above all else, more so than many of my other friends at the time (ssh, don't tell them I told you that!), and I wanted to know how to fix it, if I could. I never got a chance. She stood me up again.
Two days later, she showed up, unannounced, as I was having a small goodbye f�te with my friends Laura, Randy, and Ryan -- and when I say "f�te", I mean we were watching crappy movies and then going to Denny's afterward. That actually put my nose a little out of joint. She gets to say goodbye to me without having to actually face me one-on-one or discuss whatever issues were plaguing her. Maybe it's stupid, but it kind of hurt me, which may have been her point.
Anyway, two days later I departed, as scheduled. I saw Becky a couple times after that, and once she even told me that we really needed to talk, but it never happened. The next year, she gave a couple half-assed attempts at keeping in touch over e-mail, and I made a couple half-assed attempts back, but it was doomed from the start. To this day, I still don't know what caused the breakdown in what remains one my most precious relationships.
Sometimes I wonder where she is now. She'll have finished her undergraduate studies, probably at the top of her class, but I wonder...is she studying for her PhD? Is she engaged? Is she happy? Where is she living? Does she still keep in touch with any of our mutual friends from back in the day? And does she ever think about me?
I sent her an e-mail two years ago when I was cleaning out some boxes and found a handful of notes she'd passed to me in school, but I never heard back. I guess, then, that this is my last note to her. I miss you, Becky. I'm sorry for whatever I did, and I hope you're happy, wherever you are.