Look at me! I�m updating TWO DAYS IN A ROW! It�s just like old times! Except that today I actually have something to say, as opposed to just mentally barfing out a bunch of thoughts that don�t agree with me. Of course, I�m starting this entry at about 11:30 and will probably be writing it until, oh, say about 5:59, at which point I�ll just try to sum up all my thoughts in one single run-on sentencegraph, hastily sign-off, post it, and then run out of the office without realizing that I didn�t properly close one of my style codes, leaving the entire second half of the entry in italics until I check it again tomorrow morning. I have to admit I hate it when I do that. I find it so embarrassing, you know? Not like this is some great, professional endeavor, but I might as well TRY not to look like a complete jack-off.
Last night I decided to put on the premiere of FOX�s latest derivative ratings-grab, So You Think You Can Dance � a proud and obvious clone of the rampantly successful American Idol. SYTYCD hasn�t yet (nor ever will) enjoy the popularity of AI, but this is the way of the world. SYTYCD is totally the Ashlee to AI�s Jessica y�all, down to the �We�re totally, totally different! Now excuse me while I go to my sister�s hairdresser and get her old extensions, visit her plastic surgeon and get her old nose, and visit her bathroom to rub on about two bottles worth of her scary fake tanning lotion,� aspect of the sisters� relationship. Which, while we�re on the topic, is that just, like, orange tempera paint they�re using? Because...eek.
Anyway, during SYTYCD�s last run, Domino and I spent one night getting tipsy on champagne and watching the shit go down. Pretty boys and girls in skimpy attire jiggling and gyrating like Thai hookers trying to land the Big Client, all under the pretext of some kind of contest, seems like a great idea. I recalled some interesting dancing, in both the �Wow, this is interesting!� and the �Wow. This is...interesting...?� senses of the word, so I put it on to be in the background while I did some work that didn�t require my absolute attention. What I discovered was that the American Idolization of competitive reality shows has reached an positively deplorable state that speaks volumes about our modern culture.
Don�t worry; this isn�t going to turn into some Grandpa screed about how TV rots your brain, and back in my day, and all that. But. When did television become so cruel? This was, of course, the first of many audition-themed episodes (thanks again, AI) where young hopefuls from all over the world get belittled and dressed down by supposedly mature adults in front of television cameras for our intended amusement. TV shows weren�t always about humiliation and mockery, but thanks to the AI mold, it�s become increasingly lucrative to turn healthy competition into a Thunderdome battle of self-confidence: two self-assured individuals enter, one self-assured individual leaves. The judges (Simon) on AI love to bandy about hyperbole like �that was the WORST ____ I�ve ever heard/seen,� and, �gas escaping the bowels of a fresh corpse sounds better than you do,� in the hopes that it will land them (Simon) in featured bits on shows like Entertainment Tonight, which serve as showcases for whatever daily controversy has the highest resale value. Meanwhile, the judges on SYTYCD � and hell, how confrontational is just the name of that show alone? � are just that much meaner and just that much more brutal.
And yes, I do hold Simon Cowell largely accountable for this. I�ve never liked him, and never held my tongue about it, but maybe I haven�t been tactless enough about it before now. Ergo: I think he is phony, disingenuous, and opportunistic. I think the persona he presents is derived of exaggeration, and that it is rare he voices anything but the most extreme version of his opinion, because he knows that people love him for being vicious. I think it�s unfortunate that he�s widely embraced as being the only �honest� judge, simply because of the fact that he enjoys hurting people�s feelings, as though it were an impossible concept that the truth does not, nor need not, always hurt. I think it�s a shame that we as a country pretend to our children that they can be anything they want, and shouldn�t be afraid to dream, and then turn right back around and prey on the hopeful quality we�ve thusly encouraged in them by gleefully criticizing them on national TV for having the gall the think they might be good enough. I think it�s creepy and a shade barbarous that 35 million people will tune in to watch an endless stream of awkward teenagers being mercilessly ridiculed and joyously eviscerated by fame-hungry grown-ups.
I�m not saying that all AI fans are like that; hell, even I enjoyed the first couple of seasons. But what I enjoyed was the competition, not the ensuing degradation. I�ve heaved my share of insults into the ring (witness my loudly voiced thoughts on The Dread Carmen), to be sure, but even then I didn�t do it in the hopes that she�d read it and feel bad for existing. And anyway, where AI goes to the edge with mordant remarks, SYTYCD parachutes off it and bombs the living hell out of kids' self-esteem. Seriously, their Simon Cowellganger judge - a Brit, even - is just a wrinkled old sack of pure venom (see how YOU like it, Judgy McGee).
I guess what I�m saying is that I�ve had it with this kind of programming, and with the inevitable embracing of thorny, caustic personalities simply because they give voice to a selfish and cranky collective id. Rude is rude, and hurting people because you can is gross.
Today�s Trivia Fact: Michelangelo designed the outfits worn by the Swiss Guard. I�m Watching: Stuff that makes me pull out the soapbox, evidently. I�m Reading: Same old thing, lather, rinse, repeat.