The AP sure knows how to pull at the fucking heartstrings, huh? �Starving baby pelicans�? Come ON. Give me a fighting chance, here. I�m still shaken from looking at the terrifying photographs of Kate Bosworth�s skeleton attending the Superman Returns premiere (although what synergy � you have to give it to the girl, because it was a brilliant move to make all the attendees suddenly feel like they had X-ray vision), and now you�re throwing dead baby pelicans at me? Not fair.
And seriously. Please take a good look at Kate Bosworth in that picture, because something needs to be done. She�s a cute girl, y�all, and she has such a beautiful smile (when she doesn�t look like she�s dazed from a lack of sufficient nutrients), that it really makes me sad. Some of those pictures look like the last scene in the original House on Haunted Hill. It�s like all the recent hoopla about Britney Spears and how the poor girl just can�t seem to get her shit together. Where is Britney�s MOM in all of this? The girl is drinking and smoking, and dying her hair, and SHE�S PREGNANT! On top of this, she just looks terrible, and she can�t take a shit without the media covering it from seventy different angles at once, and her FALSE EYELASHES CAME OFF on NATIONAL TV, and the only person who ever seems to be there for her is effing K-Fed, who, it�s time to face the possibility, may not be the most stalwartly positive influence on her.
I mean, I�m not saying it�s his job to look after her, or whatever, but if MY boyfriend were about to leave the house for an on-air interview with Matt Lauer � WITHOUT his publicist � and he was dressed like he was planning to catch some crawdads with Li�l Abner down at the old swimmin� hole, I�d STOP HIM. And I feel awful for her, because she was crying and stuff, but it�s all so misguided; she�s talking about how �we�re people�, and whatever, and then that clip gets played and replayed, over and over and over, during every station break on every channel everywhere, like YOU�RE NOT �PEOPLE�! You�re FAMOUS! And no one�s going to let you drop your baby on the floor, and smoke a pack of reds and drink a beer and eat sushi and chug some espresso and eat a bowl of MSG and forget to comb your hair and put on your flip-flops and do your own make-up and �have a private moment�, because that�s not what FAME is ABOUT.
It sucks that she became famous before she was an adult and was really equipped to decide if that�s what she wanted. I don�t anybody knows what �fame� is like until it�s too late to send it back because, whoops, this is WAY too much and I had a big lunch! Plus, she was famous for being a VIRGIN, too, which is a huge mindfuck (no pun intended). Remember that? Remember when Britney�s vagina was NEWS? I don�t think anyone�s vagina can hold up to that kind of public scrutiny. A watched vagina never boils, you know, and we were all watching her vagina like it might go off at any moment. You tell us that thing isn�t going to be accepting any visitors, temporary or otherwise, and we�re going to hide out in the bushes (again, no pun intended) with our telephoto lenses and just see for ourselves, thank you very much. That�s called �setting yourself up for failure�.
In closing, I�d just like to say that before things get any worse, Kate needs to make her first stop at the concession stand where she loads up some nachos, and Britney needs to make her first stop at her pre-natal physician�s office where she can pick up some vitamins and a hairbrush, and surrender the Red Bull. I�m not trying to be judgmental about these people in a �ha ha, look at them,� kind of way, but more in a �there is a serious problem that needs your immediate attention� kind of way.
I apologize for the fact that I haven�t really written anything fun and frivolous about my life in the past few weeks � I just haven�t had anything particularly noteworthy happen to me. Well, aside from meeting my New Best Friend online, through the process of my job. I love it when my first phone conversation with a complete stranger starts off with them saying, �I�ve been researching you, and you�ve had quite an interesting career!� Say what? You�ve done what? Now he�s writing me every single day and referencing things I did in high school, and it�s all just a wee bit unsettling.
And he�s probably going to find this blog next, so I�m going to stop right there.
Today�s Trivia Fact: Baffin Island is the 5th largest island in the world. I�m Watching: I watched a little of the American version of The Office last night. I�m totally backed-up on my Passions viewing, and that�s a crying shame. I�m Reading: Nothing new YET, but I FINALLY finished that other book! Hooray, me!
