I�d like to put an addendum on yesterday�s open letter.
This is also not the dentist�s office. Stop shouting at me.
Seriously, I don�t understand why people don�t listen when they call someone. Like, I�m not mumbling or being all tricky about who I am, over here. I announce very clearly and carefully that this is Titanic Cruises, which, I maintain, really sounds very little like �Radiology� or �Dr. Martin�s Office�. And yet I keep getting people trying to make appointments and whatever!However, at least those people aren�t as irritating as the one�s that then ask me, �Oh�is this Dr. Martin�s Office?� No! It�s not! Remember five seconds ago when I answered the phone, �Titanic Cruises, how may I direct your call?� That was supposed to indicate to you that you�d reached a company by the name of �Titanic Cruises�. It was not meant to throw off Dr. Martin�s debt collectors or something. There is no subterfuge, no secret code, and no hidden meanings here. You got the wrong number!
And don�t give me that, �Well, this is the number they told me to call!� routine, like that changes everything, and now I should just go ahead and give you that mammogram, because you�re not going to be fooled by this whole �Titanic Cruises� ploy for one more minute. What happens when you people actually do call the right number?
Receptionist: Dr. Martin�s offi�Caller: I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR. MARTIN, PLEASE.
Receptionist: Okay�Dr. Martin is pretty booked this week, but�
Caller: I WOULD LIKE MY APPOINTMENT FOR TUESDAY.
Receptionist: I�m afraid Tuesday is full, but he has one ope�
Caller: TUESDAY AFTERNOON. BUT I HAVE CLASS AT THREE, SO IT HAS TO BE AT 1:00.
Receptionist: Um, I�m afraid Dr. Martin is booked all day on Tuesday. Maybe nex�
Caller: NO TUESDAY?
Receptionist: Er�no.
Caller: BUT I�M BUSY THE REST OF THE WEEK.
Receptionist: So is Dr. Martin, I�m afraid.
Caller: �IS ANYONE GOING TO CANCEL FOR TUESDAY?
Like the receptionist knows this. Oh, and to the man who JUST CALLED FIVE MINUTES AGO, no, I don�t know why you are receiving a monthly charge on your Discover Card from �X-Drive Technologies�. This isn�t X-Drive Technologies! Yes, that is our phone number on your statement, but this corporation does not do monthly charges, ever, I don�t know who these X-Drive people are, or why you�re getting charged, or who you should speak to about it, except maybe your credit card company. Call information! Get on Yahoo.com and search the national phone book! Call the fucking FOX investigative team, if you have to, but GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE!I really don�t get it. I mean, I completely understand dialing the wrong number; I�ve been known to do it myself from time to time. But I usually realize my error pretty quickly when either a person or company I don�t know answers the phone. I also don�t act all affronted, like how dare they not be my friend Suzy? I mean, what is that? What am I supposed to say? �Sorry I�m not Suzy � please don�t kill me!� And I swear today I have taken a record-breaking 10 wrong phone numbers in the last two hours alone.
Also, I�ve had it up to here with Dolly�s technology deficit. Like, she doesn�t even know how the printer works! The printer! This isn�t an electroencephalograph or anything, it prints paper! You hit the damn �print� button, and then it makes funny noises, and PAPER COMES OUT! That�s it! No surgical procedures, no long division, no tricky wires to connect or gauges to double-check! Hit the button, paper comes out.
And still she has trouble. Two minutes ago, Zelda came out to check the paper levels. �I�m printing out a long report,� She informed me. She had already sent the print order through, but the tray had been empty. As soon as it was full, the report starts to go through, and Dolly comes flying out to the front to check on it.
�What�s this??� She shrieks. �THIS ISN�T MY REPORT!� I endeavored to explain to her that Zelda was already printing something out, and she totally lost her shit. �I JUST sent my order! Dammit! FUCK! Now I have to do it all over again!� Before I could explain that the printer can remember more than one order at a time, and if she would just wait half a tick her report would come out right after Zelda�s, she was stomping away and muttering curses under her breath.
Whatever. I�m counting the hours.
