As part of my ongoing obsession with the Olympic Games, I took a while yesterday afternoon to treat myself to a viewing of the Women�s Marathon. That is one crazy-ass event, right there. Twenty-six miles of constant running, and if you stop running for even, like, a split second, you get totally disqualified. I mean they disqualify the shit out of you. For taking a breather, y�all. When you�re running for TWENTY-SIX MILES. I have a hard enough time getting up the motivation to walk four blocks to the 7-11, so I can�t imagine what force on this earth would ever be sufficient to make me go twenty-six miles in one pop. (Maybe if I was being chased by a really tenacious swarm of giant deadly bees, or something, but how likely is that?)

The Marathon as a race actually has a really interesting history, though. For those of you who don�t know the legend, like me, allow me to make it up as I go along: basically, the ancient Greek city of Marathon (very similar to the current city of Marathon, in that they are the same town, only one is much, much older and has less indoor plumbing and lower electric bills) was under attack, or being invaded (as ancient cities are wont to be). It�s also possible that it wasn�t under attack, because I don�t actually know the story, but I�m pretty much committed to not fact-checking it at this point, so bear with me. In any case, what it all boils down to is that some guy had to run from Marathon to Athens, which was twenty-six miles, because he had to bring them a message (or an antidote, or some ice cream or something). So now, to commemorate his accomplishment, they do a twenty-six mile run at the Olympics (and other places where people have too much energy and nothing to do with it).

The veracity of my tale notwithstanding, I still harbor some serious reservations about this sport. Like, it�s just not natural to go running for twenty-six miles without stopping! I have to believe that this dude, whoever he was, had to have taken a moment or two to sit his ass down on a rock, catch his breath, and stretch out his hamstring or what have you. Along about mile number twelve or thirteen, I �d say you�ve earned the right to powerwalk a yard or two. And, I mean, it�s not like anybody was running with him, or driving one of those stupid trucks along behind him and videotaping him the whole way, so how do they know he didn�t stop once or twice? And who was stationed along the way, giving him Gatorade and wet sponges, I�d like to know?

I openly confess that I am completely floored with respect for the women who managed to make it all the way to the finish line (without the help of an ambulance, I mean), though. That�s one hell of an accomplishment, you guys. In my opinion, if you can go twenty-six miles in any capacity, without the aid of fossil fuel or a golf cart, you deserve a medal no matter what. Gold all around, y�all. I mean, I saw those women crossing that finish line, and I don�t think those were just tears of joy they were crying. I mean, they just looked wrecked, you know? Twenty-six miles of jogging (much of which was at an incline) does not appear to be the kind of joint-friendly, low-impact workout your orthopedist keeps recommending, and what with all the calories they�re burning off, it looked like an army of Lara Flynn Boyles charging angularly for the finish line. Seriously, they must eat about 60 pounds of food a day to have the energy for all that running. They�re probably banned from every All-You-Can-Eat restaurant from here to eternity.

In any case, I was duly impressed, and it has inspired me to be a little more aggressive with my own running. Leading me to deduce that perhaps my obsession with the Olympics is not quite as unhealthy as I hitherto believed.

Someone Got Here By Searching For: Olivia Newton-John ever pose nude [Wow.] I�m Watching: The Triplets of Belleville, which is absolutely bizarre, but in a fun kind of way. I�m Reading: I just hit that stage in my reading of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay where I can no longer put the book down for any reason, and was actually reading it while watching the Olympics at the same time last night.

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