This just in: Clyde suffers from tragic boundary issues, and will not be ignored. In related news, Dr. No has had enough, and is going on the offensive.
I had really hoped that Clyde would be able to accept the end of our relationship, given that I tried my damnedest to make it work, and was completely up front with him throughout regarding my reservations, my discomfiture, and eventual need to call it off. I had hoped that the both of us would be able to maintain a friendship, or at least a little bit of dignity, but I can see his plans run counter to this desire. When he calls me, drunk, at three o�clock in the morning on a workday to ask me all the same questions and ignore all the same answers, it seriously curbs any wish I might have to continue a relationship in any capacity. When he follows it up the next night (read: early morning) with a condemning and accusatory text message, it really only serves to remove what little bit of inner conflict I may have had lingering in my mind.
I don�t want to turn this into a tirade against him or a laundry list of his faults (though, by the serious vent I�ve given my spleen on this topic over the past twenty-four hours to a handful of private individuals, I�ve proven how well I could), but the height at which this latest gambit has caused my temper to spike is unnerving to me. In fact, in giving it some consideration I realized that while I have certainly had my moments of irritation, nothing has shoved me face-first into such a brain-steaming apoplexy as this since the Age of Anna. Odd to think how familiar this choler was so near as a year ago, and how ill fitting it seems now. Being unable to release that kind of anger a year ago was exhausting and unhealthy, but it�s back and it won�t be denied.
It�s also making my supposedly noble oath to keep between us what was, well, just between us a harder proposition to stand behind. Succinctly put, these are just the latest in a long line of manipulative, one-sided, and totally myopic attempts at�what, I don�t know. He pretends to have accepted that reconciliation is not an option as far as I am concerned, but when I asked him point blank what exactly he was hoping to hear from me at 3:00am, what sentiment he believed it would be the prime opportunity to convey, there was no answer. This was a call with no purpose other than to let me know he was miserable, in the hopes that the guilt would make me miserable, too. This was not about solutions, or resolutions, but about a passive-aggressive revenge.
I am done being made the caretaker of his damaged spirit, and while I feel bad that he is hurting because of the break-up, it was in both of our best interests. Having been in his very shoes once before I know what cold comfort such a fact is, but it was not done maliciously or out of a selfish desire for greener pastures, and his abiding lack of respect for my boundaries is galling and upsetting. I wrote him an email today to spell out my basic feelings, and to let him know that I�d prefer it if he wouldn�t call me for a while. I have low expectations about this, but we�ll see what happens.
On a lighter note, while we are speaking of yon greener pastures into which I have lately had the good fortune to stumble, it turns out that the recipient of my awkward smile was not put off. In fact, we had lunch together yesterday and are planning lunch again for tomorrow, and just thinking about him gives me butterflies. I�m not ready to divulge details, or assign him a moniker (or nom de blog) yet, but I�m being cautiously optimistic.
These hands, they are full.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: eliza dushku [What has she done for me lately?] I�m Watching: So You Think You Can Dance?, which is entertaining, although to quote Domino following one sexed-up and frenzied solo performance, �So you just had a sex with a ghost on stage, I�m not impressed.� I�m Reading: I am completely obsessed these days with Defamer and Gawker, and recommend them to anyone and everyone.