I know she was well read and intelligent and stylish and all that, and a total icon for her generation, as well as, like, the Excalibur (if I may) of paparazzi everywhere, but�Jackie Kennedy kinda creeps me out.
I�ve tried real hard to be awed by her poise and elegance, but have you ever seen clips from those White House tour videos she made? She�s like this big, creepy robot in a Chanel suit! All smiling and monotone-y, gesturing stiffly at the artwork and intoning things like, �I think the White House should really have the finest of American pictures,� with an eerie, sort of glassy look in her eyes. She reminds me of those animatronic bears at Chuckee Cheese that kind of swivel at the waist and blink their big, plastic eyelids while an electronic voice blares through a hidden speaker, singing something like �Camptown Races�. Not that Jackie Kennedy ever sang �Camptown Races� on one of those tour videos -- I�m just drawing a comparison.
I should mention that I�m really not trying to disparage her memory or anything, because she really was a pretty talented diplomat, and she went through a lot more crap than the rest of us would ever even want to think about, but it doesn�t change the fact that the more stories I hear about her, the more perturbed I become. Like, did you know that she saved the dress she was wearing when the President was assassinated while sitting next to her? I mean, there were brains on that dress, you guys! And she sent it to her mom! You realize this means that Monica Lewinsky was actually just living up to a precedent of sending DNA-spattered formalwear from the White House to one�s mom. I don�t know what my mom would do if I sent her a suit jacket with human fluids all over it, but my guess is that it would involve gasoline, a match, and a call to a really good therapist. And, more than likely, a smack upside my head. Like I haven�t already sent my mom enough crappy gifts already.
And then there are those stories that she told that dude from LIFE magazine about touching the President�s corpse�er, inappropriately, shall we say, at the morgue. I dunno, maybe she was in shock. Heaven knows she had every reason to be, but still. That�s just weird, y�all.
Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is because I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story on The Last Days of Jackie O tonight. I love me some E!THS, I have to admit. That�s where I gather all my historical knowledge! The one on Anna Nicole Smith was particularly entertaining, as well as all the ones about your favorite shows, like Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place and all that. The problem is that they�ve really pretty much done one on everybody except for, like, Howie Long and Persis Khambatta, but you know it�s only a matter of time. They should really try harder not to spread themselves quite so thin. I can�t think of many people who would sit through a two-hour documentary on the life of Howie Long. Or, for that matter, many people who can pronounce �Persis Khambatta�.
Maybe the less we know, the better off we�ll be.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: depressed skinny people And: reality tv genius I�m Watching: CSI. Gil seriously needs to stop ending every act with those corny puns. I�m Also Watching: These lame-ass Pier One commercials starring Kirstie Alley. Way to shoot yourselves in the foot, Pier One.