So I did something really, really smart last week. I threw out my wallet. Like, in the trash. While it was full. Of, you know�my stuff. Hey, don�t look at me like that, it was an honest mistake!
See, on Thursday afternoon�actually, let me start at the beginning. On Wednesday night, someone buzzed our apartment. May Day and I exchanged a suspicious look, because we weren�t expecting anyone, so who was this asswipe at our door? Well, May Day answered the call, inquiring as to who was there, but no one answered. So she sat back down.
No sooner had her ass hit the couch than the buzzer went off again! So she asked, a second time, who the fuck was at the door, and this time some chick goes, �Um�is Allison there?� And May Day is like, �Nope. Thanks for playing.�
The next day, I wake to find an index card taped on our door with a little note warning against letting people into the building, as it seems some lying fuckwads have been going around attempting to gain entry under false pretenses. Well, that night, we�re sitting around having tea with the Duchess of Kent (okay, okay, we were watching TV. Shut up.), when the buzzer goes off again! So I storm to the door, ready to do battle with the forces of darkness, and snap into the intercom, �What?�
Well, there�s this guy down at the door, and he asks for me, badly mispronouncing my name. And I�m like, �Shyeah, right�this guy�s obviously reading it off the nameplate.� So I don�t give an inch and keep asking who he is, and then he�s like, �I�ve got your wallet.� And I�m like, �Well, this is the lamest ploy ever. What�s next? Is he going to huff and puff and blow my house down?� And then he starts telling me he found it in a trash can just outside my office, and I�m like, �Oh�shit.�
So it turns out he wasn�t a dirty, lying freak, and actually did have my wallet, which I accidentally tossed into a trash can -- because I had my hands full and there was trash involved and it could happen to anybody so stop LOOKING at me like that! -- and my generally shaky faith in mankind was temporarily restored. All my money was still in there, my credit cards, my ID�everything intact, and this guy had driven all the way to my apartment from my office to give it back to me! I was so ecstatic I didn�t even ask why the hell this guy was digging through the trash in the first place.
However, as May Day pointed out, people can always copy down your card numbers and go shopping online. So I had to call around and cancel all my credit cards and ATM cards, just in case. Then I discovered that I was out of checks. And check books. And I can�t order more online, because I can�t register for online banking without an ATM card.
So basically, I�ve now got ten dollars in my possession and three-quarters of a tank of gas, both of which will have to see me through until such time as I�m issued a new�everything. But I�m trying to look at this as a positive thing, you know? Since I�m completely flat-ass broke right now, and have absolutely no chance to overspend, it may all work out for the better! My rapid descent into debt is (temporarily) being slowed by my inability to access my own funds! I can�t drop cash on frivolous things, and I won�t get in serious trouble, because I don�t have any rent or bills due for another couple weeks, I have enough gas to get me through a week or two, and I have enough food for�this week. So basically, I need money by the end of this week or I�m going to seriously end up doing porn.
It�s nice to have options, I guess.
Shit. Anybody want to make a donation?
