� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� Dazed and Confused �
11:22 a.m., 2004-01-05

It would seem to be a day for mixed emotions, y�all. I mean, first and foremost, I am writing this to you from the deep, dark cavern of horror I also sometimes call my "office" (a fact which is meant to imply that, yes, I am back at work). So that�s a bummer. Also a bummer is the fact that, as suspected, my desk is occluded by a veritable mountain of paperwork and correspondence. Phooey.

On the plus side? I�m getting my car back! Hooray! I spoke with Jos� at the body shop, and he said my car is ready and rarin� to go, and I can come by on my lunch hour and pick it up. Hallelujah. I�d pretty much given that car up for lost, what with one thing and another. Although the fun doesn�t technically end here, since I still have to go through the song and dance of getting my insurance switched, but comparatively, I�d take that any day over the spider�s web of red tape I got cocooned in after my accident.

Although things are really quite�unsettled right now. I don�t know how better to put it than that. I guess the fact is that I haven�t quite readjusted to my life here in Los Angeles yet -- kind of an existential jet lag, I suppose. Due to the fact that I spent so little time with my friends, and the fact that both my brother and my sister now have lives of their own, I ended up spending the bulk of my time with my parents and bonding with them in a way I never had before. It may sound strange to say it, but finally, at 25, I think I�ve finally managed to become an adult friend of my parents, rather than just their kid. Frankly, I rather enjoyed it, and was a little disappointed to have to leave.

Adding to my disorientation, I received a phone call at midnight last night -- two full hours after going to bed, because damn was I tired -- from Rave, who shared my return flight to LA, waking me from a dead sleep.

Me: �hello?

Rave: Eeeeee!

Me: Huh? Wha?

Rave: Omigaw�Dr. No, you won�t BELIEVE who I�m looking at right now!

Me: What? What�s going on?

Rave: Michael Vartan!

Me: �what?

Rave: Isn�t that crazy? He�s right here at the bar! I knew you�d want to know, since you like him so much.

Me: Excuse me, �like�? Ours is a pure, true love! Ask him!

Rave: I can�t go up and talk to him!

Me: I�ll give you fifty bucks if you give him my phone number.

She didn�t do it, though. She�s totally out of the will.

So it would seem that things are swiftly returning to abnormal. Anyone for tennis?

Someone Got Here By Searching For: how tall is Gwyneth Paltrow And: christina aguilera � goth boy I�m Watching: Twin Peaks. I have found my new obsession. I�m Reading: Dozens of back emails, and kind of wishing I�d walked all the way to the Sunset Strip so I could see Michael Vartan last night.

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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