What the fuck? Seriously, dude. What. The. Fuck?
I get this phone call this morning from Customer X, who wants to speak with Miranda. Only Miranda's not in, because she's with a client, down at the boats. X doesn't quite grasp this.
X: Well, I need to speak with her right away or I'm cancelling my event.
Me: ...and what? I should send you a sympathy card or something? She can't talk to you if she's not in the office. And she's not.
X: I'm returning her call from this morning.
Me: Oh! Well, why didn't you say so? That makes it all different! Suddenly, she's here!
X: Look, I need to speak with her. I work nights and she knows that this is the time when I'm in bed!
Me: Oh, okay, sir. I'll just drop her a note, like this: 'Miranda, you can't meet with clients during X's sleepy-time anymore.' How's that?
X: I'll just call back.
Me: Don't threaten me, mister, I've got a tattoo.
I mean, seriously, you guys. Please tell me none of you do this. Please, please tell me none of you cop a 'tude with the intermediary when you don't get your way. I'm just the phone guy, here, I can't make them deal with you if they're a) not available, or b) unwilling. Also? Bitching me out or reading me the riot act about how unsatisfied you are really doesn't do a shitload of good. I've got about as much clout in this office as the mailman. Except probably less, because the mailman at least delivers the checks.
In other news, Dolly continues to keep house for Beelzebub. Yesterday she told me she wanted me to have this ridiculous fraternity list finished by, "y'know, Monday or Tuesday." I resisted the impulse to throw things because I knew that she'd poke me in the eye with her fiery trident if I dared oppose her, but I did tell her flat-out that her deadline defied all known laws of physics that govern our reality. I don't think she was really interested in the limitations of the things which we mortals can actually accomplish, though, because she just looked really miffed and told me to do it "ASAP". I hate her so much it's hurting my soul.
The worst part is that, because of this assignment, I have to spend my lunch hour trapped in the office, as it's the only time I have anymore to tend to my e-mail and personal online crap. This means that I've got nowhere to hide when Miranda comes tromping through the front office, tossing inane instructions my way for more pointless, time-wasting activities designed primarily to cut my lunch short as she blows out the door. If I wasn't here, what then Miranda? I guess we'll never know.
Also, these fraternities have some of the worst websites known to man. Seriously, guys. There's no 'd' in 'congratulations'. Plus, if you want people to learn more about your organization, it helps to have complete links, or maybe some contact information. Miss Cleo is no longer in business, and I can't count on my own sporadic clairvoyance to kick in with the rest of the info, here.
Of course, I am learning a bit more about the Greek System, which I knew next to nothing about before this. I mean, previously, my impression of the fraternal order was gleaned from the repute of films like Animal House and Frathouse Gangbang 4, neither of which is probably entirely representative of the facts. Well, I'm sure they both have their merits, but to be honest I've actually never seen either. Although if part 4 is half as good as part 3...just kidding.
Anyway, my surfing of these websites has, if nothing else, helped me to realize that I made the right decision in not ever trying to rush for a frat in my college days. When I start reading all the corny propaganda about 'ritual' and 'structure' espoused by these vaunted bastions of testosterone, my instinctive distrust of authority comes crashing to the surface. Of course then I start reading about things like keggers, 'brotherly love', and 'male bonding' and I start to wonder if Frathouse Gangbang 4 might not be a more accurate portrayal than I originally thought.
Whatever. I'm starting my own fraternal order. The order of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (WTF), and we're going to have rituals and keggers and off-color jokes. It'll be awesome. But no one's allowed in unless they're cool enough, because that's what brotherly love is truly all about.