Okay, so the "In Which" title has made a revisit, due to popular request! Well, okay, singular request, but whatever.
Anyway, I can tell you're reading the heading and going, "Why's he writing about it? Why doesn't he just do something about it?" Well, I can't, thank you very much. I'm stuck here in the stupid office with one ear glued to the phone and my butt firmly planted in this crap-ass rolly chair that is desperately in need of some oiling. See, there's this guy sitting across from me right now (who thankfully can't see what I'm working on -- he thinks I'm doing something "official". Hee hee!) and I have to sit here on the phone, working on a sale for him because he couldn't be troubled to call the reservation line himself. Oh, and you'll never believe it, but I think he just stole my pen. Asshole.
Oh, that was a fun false alarm. The other line just rang and it was some dude who wanted information. Too bad I'm on hold here and don't have time to talk. Turns out he just wanted the reservations line, with whom I'm ironically on hold at the moment. Life is so crazy.
Anyway, even if I could get up right now, getting to pee would still be a chore. See, the office? DOESN'T HAVE A BATHROOM! No, I'm not kidding. And no, this isn't a sick, sick joke. Well, maybe it is a joke, but I'm not the one laughing. In fact, if I laugh too hard, I might just wet myself.
The bathroom, such as it is, is really...disgusting. It's a public toilet, and it's always full of these old geezers in spandex, or that wizened little chain-smoking shopkeeper who resembles nothing so much as a smoldering raisin. I really hate public bathrooms, and this is just wrong. Who designed this building, anyway? Who thought leaving a restroom off the schematics was a viable architectural design avenue? More importantly, where can I find this a-hole, and how high is his threshold for pain tolerance?
***time lapse***
Okay, this is just unbelievable. I started this entry an hour ago, people -- an hour of the intense and unrequited need to urinate -- and I'm still here! See, Reservations Lady fucking HUNG UP ON ME, so Annabelle had to take over the proceedings, but, bless her little heart, she's not the sharpest nail in the plank so that took a half-hour. Then the Reservations Lady she was talking to bungled everything so badly that Dolly had to step in, but she couldn't make heads or tails of it either, so Joanie, the Big Boss Lady, had to take over and clear it all up. Meanwhile, I'm lying in the back room, doubled over in the most unearthly pain imaginable as my urethra tries to knot itself off.
Sweet fancy Moses, I have to whizz; if I don't get to the can in the next five seconds, my bladder is going to explode out the front of my abdomen like fucking Alien. I am going to the bathroom right the hell now, and I swear I will kill any man, woman, or child who gets in my way!